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Loving Life

What does loving life mean to you? I believe that loving life has an individual meaning for everyone. My hope is that we all find and create the life that makes us feel fulfilled and whole. Well balanced comes to mind along with complete and utter joy in our hearts.

I am loving life more now than I ever have in all of my 54 plus years. I have a husband, best friend, lover and personal cheering squad all rolled into one individual. I believe this to be a rare creature and a special find. Lucky me! It almost seems mystical or fictional at times and yet he is real. I know ’cause I pinch him every now and then and he yells. Lol

I think it is a fantasy that we all grow up dreaming about. To have that special someone who fills your heart so full it almost feels like it’s not real. Like it is some kind of dream that you don’t want to wake from. If this is a dream for me, then I never want to wake up. I know this sounds kind of mushy, but after everything I have been through, I feel like I am truly blessed to have come out on top for once.


I live in one of, if not the most beautiful places on earth. The changes of the seasons are breathtaking to say the least.
Our winter snow storms have a beauty all their own. Especially when one is curled up around the wood stove, while listening to the crackling of the wood as it burns and watching the color of the dancing flames. Maybe with your companions, reading a great article or listening to your favorite piece of music while the snow falls outside the window creating a blanket of the purest white you will ever see. The spring brings with it the sweet nectar from the maple trees as they wake from their long sleep. As the sap runs up the trees to nourish, the frozen tree starts to thaw and grow beautiful green leaves that will shade you from the hot summer sun. Summer brings an abundance of new fruits and vegetables as well as the beautiful sunsets over the farmer’s fields and the many beaches and lakes that surround us. Fall, which is my absolute favorite time of year brings a bright palette portrait of bright orange, reds, and yellows mixed with a little green to complete it. The cooler temperatures bring on harvest and a welcomed reprieve from the heat of the summer.

As the seasons change it is a good reminder that all living things have a cycle. I watch these cycles progress in a much more appreciative manner now, knowing that I too have a cycle and that I can now enjoy watching as my own seasons change. I look in the mirror and see someone who has seen many seasons, and it shows. My past seasons have left many scars like an old maple tree that has lost a branch or two in a winter storm. The tree healed and keeps growing in spite of the reminding mark that the wound left behind, and so shall I. I have had many blessings in my life some of which brought to me by some very wonderful people and animals alike.

In addition to my many blessings, there have also been some undesired actions or situations from people. All of which taught me many great lessons, which I am grateful for. After all, to live is to learn.

I have been told that my life most likely will not last as long as someone who is in better health than I am. But, who knows, I have beat slim odds before. That said however, I feel blessed to have had the time to build and grow a truly loving family. One that I have chosen for myself. If I were to meet my last season, I would go into my long sleep happily.

Jam, Jelly, Berry and Missy are my cat family and I could not have asked for more loyal, loving, beautiful beings to share life with. They make me smile, laugh and most of all feel loved.

Hank, our 14 week old mastiff puppy has made me feel more alive with his active, loving and protective manner than I have felt in a long while. He is sassy, stubborn, smart, persistent, and very handsome. All qualities that I absolutely love about him. He is an amazing young dog and my hope is that I get to watch him grow and blossom into full adulthood. He is catching on to his training very quickly which is a good thing because he is already over 35lbs.

Miss Waffles our laying hen and Hank the puppy have become the best of friends. I couldn’t shake the feeling however, that in the evenings when it was time for her to go to sleep on her roost, that she was still feeling lonely. I have been on the hunt to find Waffles a couple of hen friends to keep her company especially as the cold winter weather approaches.
My search lead me to a couple of 3 year old laying hens that a good friend of mine had. She decided that because she only had two hens left that she would re-home them an no longer keep hens in her barn. This lead to them coming to live with us on our homestead. I am very pleased to announce that we now have the two girls to keep Waffles company. I have named them Juno and Pixie. They all seem to be getting along well and though it is still very new for them, they seem to love our clean barn, loads of land to hunt for tasty morsels and of course the odd treat from the kitchen. Hank the puppy, on the other hand, they still aren’t sure what to make of.

Waffles still comes to hang out with Hank and I when we’re doing our yard work, from time to time and even though Juno and Pixie are still settling in, I am sure they will come to love this place as much as I do.


My husband and I just had a lovely two weeks staycation together. We did some day trips in the truck and took our sidekick Hank along. We had a road trip to pick up a “new to us” wood cook stove for our off grid camp. I have already baked a batch of bread in it and I’m happy to say that it works beautifully! We also started to build a wood shed on the back of the camp. Which is something that we have wanted to do for some time. It is always a work in progress, but it’s definitely a labor of love! We also cleaned up and burnt some brush while milling some logs into boards for the wood shed roof and other building projects, over the past two weeks. We also went out on our ATV’s a couple of times and had a picnic at the river with a little fire to roast some locally made sausages. Which we served with open fire toasted homemade buns. One day, we took Hank to the beach to see if he liked the salt water but he didn’t seem very interested in the sand. I don’t think he liked the taste of it. I think he is a fresh water boy and will like the river much more!


Most of all we spent quality time on our homestead with our little family and made it a priority to be present in each moment and enjoy some time to rest.

Who could love life more, when it looks like all of this, I ask?

As Always,
Love Tanya Jean

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Summer Fun

This summer has already been very full for us and we are only at the half way mark. My husband and I are having the best summer we have ever had together. I am living as though tomorrow is not promised. Mostly, well, because it’s not. Not for any of us, but maybe more in particular for me. I think that is fair to say. So, making the most of every day, is top priority for me, at this point in my life. How about you?


I have had a few small challenges with my vegetable growing so far this year, but my flowers are doing wonderfully.
I decided to plant most of my vegetables in the green house this year and we have had a warmer than usual year. That being said, I have had to water the plants more frequently and started to see some unwanted bugs pestering my crops and plants. I have since moved everything, except my beans and peas outdoors. They too may go out. I am observing them for a few more days. Moving the others out seems to have proven to be a beneficial strategy. I say this because now it seems that the larger bugs are consuming, or scaring off the smaller ones. Either way both the plants and I are happy. I am now starting to see more growth and the plants are looking more healthy. Hopefully I moved them out in time for them to produce a better yield. Fingers crossed. We love to eat fresh real food and have enjoyed the lettuce and Swiss chard so far. I am really looking forward to enjoying the rest of my bounty, once things are at their prime.


The tomatoes are coming along nicely, as well as the pumpkins, zucchini, squash and cucumbers. Although, I had to reseed the zucchini, squash and cucumbers do to a cucumber beetle party early in the spring. That said, everything seems to be growing and doing well now.


My brown eyed Suzie’s, and sunflowers are growing tall and the scarlet runner pole beans that I plant for decoration have really been attracting the hummingbirds. Our little piece of heaven is looking just so beautiful this year! I just love it! I can sit out for hours and just watch the birds and bees enjoying in sharing this beautiful space we have created.


For all of you that may be wondering, Waffles the laying hen, aka my shadow, is doing very well. She spends most of her day patrolling the yard and checking on Missy, our kitty friend, to make sure all is well. I can’t forget to tell you that she is also loving the taste of my gerber daisies. I love the beauty of them and Waffles seems to love the taste. We will have to compromise on the gerber daisies, I guess. She seems to leave the flowers alone but she absolutely loves the taste of the leaves. They look a little sparce right now, but they are surviving. I have put them up a little higher so she really has to work at getting to them. She is still laying a good size egg every two to three days. Honestly she could be laying more in some other unusual places because she is out all day, every day and I read they will sometimes do that. Regardless, I am pleased that she seems to be happy and healthy. I bring her in the porch with me sometimes, just to hang out and have some company. The indoor cats, Berry, Jelly and Jam don’t seem to mind. They all seem to co-exist quite well.


My husband and I have been very busy entertaining ourselves and playing lots of music with friends. The weather has been such that we have even been able to have a few evening fires in the pit in our patio area. We have had the opportunity to visit family and friends at their cottage on the water. The seals and fish are abundant this year and the scenery is beyond beautiful. Just the fact that we are able to go and visit and/or have visitors after the craziness of the pandemic over the last couple of years has been a real treat for me. I think I almost forgot what it was like to be social and socialize. But, it didn’t take me long to get back into the groove of it again.


Another highlight of the summer was a visit from a very dear friend from Ottawa, this year. She is someone who I consider to be like a sister to me. We have been friends since early childhood. In fact, she used to live just down the road from me when we were children and we have remained friends all these years. Her and another close childhood friend came out to our little oasis for a day visit and it was wonderful. The three of us talked like no time had passed and it felt like the old days. When we used to be young and foolish and act silly. In a way, even though we have all done a lot of living, for that day, time stood still.

We may all look a little older, but our attitudes and love for one another are still the same. That is something that time has not changed. It is one of my favorite memories of this summer and I will cherish that day always. We have all promised to make more of an effort to stay in touch on a more regular basis and get together as often as we can.

One thing I have learned is that time is precious and it is not something to be wasted. If you have loved ones, make an effort to make the most of the time you spend with them. My husband made a bucket list event come true for me this past weekend. I have always wanted to go tubing in the Miramichi River. A lot of my friends have gone and everyone always says that it was a blast. Well they weren’t kidding! We had a fantastic day! After my heart attack, I started to make a bucket list of things that I want to do or try. Beacause of my challenges of the last five years, I wasn’t able to participate in this type of event. It requires that you must be able to walk down a fairly steep hill to get the water and you must be able to get in and out of the tube. Especially at the end. When you reach the end of your three hour journey on the river. Then there is the walk back up another fairly steep hill to get to the bus pick up point. I’m happy to say with just a little assistance from my husband I was able to put a check mark beside this event on my list. Now that I have gone and had such a great experience. I really want to go again! Mabe it will become an annual event.

The weather was absolutely perfect, the scenery absolutely stunning and to experience it with my husband was the highlight of my summer. There were Canada geese resting and eating at different slightly cleared locations along the edges of the river. They were very calm and just basking in the beautiful sunshine. Also, the Salmon were feeding and jumping slightly out of the water to catch a tasty fly at some points on our trip. All of the living beings on the river that day, including the kayakers, the people on canoes and a few fellow tubers, were all enjoying the river, the beautiful day and the positive energy it all brought. The fresh warm clear air and water, had a very calming effect for all that were in and on the water that day.


I am so fortunate in so many ways. I have this chance to work on my bucket list and spend time with the people that mean the most to me, in this whole world. Not many people get a second chance to really live life the way it really should be lived. I may not get as many years to live as some people, but I will make damn sure that I make the most of what time I have left! Thanks to my love for the help and encouragement.


There is still a good amount of the summer left. So, I may not write many more posts until it is over. Because I am too busy enjoying every minute of it!

I will post more on my second half of summer adventures when I slow down a little. For now though, I hope that this post inspires you all to get out and live. Maybe even check a few items off of your own bucket list.

As Always,
Love Tanya Jean

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Restoration and Adaptation

This has been an interesting spring to say the least. In my neck of the woods, we have had temperatures in the thirties and then down to four degrees, Celsius. I can’t remember ever having to light a fire in our wood stove in June before. We have lived here twenty years and this is the first time that I have felt the damp, cold weather in such a drastic change. I was fooled by the early warm weather, for a couple of weeks. Some of you may remember from an earlier post, that I was starting some plants in the green house earlier than usual, this year. I did however transplant a few of my starter plants outside because they were getting root bound. It did shock them some but are starting to come along better now. I have had to cover them at night when the risk of frost is high. I still have my tomato plants that need to be transplanted very soon and moved outdoors but I am holding off until we get through this cold snap. Planting and keeping most of what I am growing in the green house this year, is proving to be the right choice. Considering how everything is growing so far, I believe my yields will exceed my expectations. I have already picked some lettuce for salads. We have also had a little bit of baby spinach and baby swiss chard.

The pots I planted wild flower seed in are coming along nicely. Hopefully the flowers will bloom before too much longer. I am so looking forward to the warm weather that brings with it the beautiful colors of fresh blossoms here in our little piece of heaven. This time of year I always take note of how vibrant the new shades of green are with the new growth. To me, it is a sign of restoration and renewal. The green that is showing now is the brightest it will be all season. This reminds me that all living things have a beginning and an end. All of life has a cycle.

I am sprucing up the yard by restoring some ornaments in the form of my painted rocks. I have had great joy over the years painting many rocks to brighten the yard. Until flowers come into bloom they add beautiful color. If the rocks have been in the sun they will fade over time.

This is one of the first rocks I painted over seven years ago. It lasted well but like most non living objects, it needed some restoration.

We as humans sometimes get so busy that we forget that life is a journey that needs to be savored. Sometimes even living beings need some restoration. Every step of our existence should be experienced, noted and appreciated for what it is. At times, we all need to restore ourselves in the way of adapting to new ways and or belief systems. I used to resist change and unpleasant experiences. The unpleasant parts of life happen and by accepting them rather than resisting them, I have found it easier to the lesson in them. Find the teaching moment as it were. I used to try to push through those unpleasant moments with great force and speed. Now, after all of my experiences in life, I have come to a place where I take the time to feel what is really happening and do my best to live it fully for that very reason. If I continued to file these experiences away and not feel the full effect, it comes back to haunt me. Then the teaching moment could be lost forever.

Speaking of unpleasant experiences, my little Tiny, one of our laying hens suddenly passed last Sunday. I found Tiny laying lifelessly on the ground, with Waffles nudging her, trying with all her might to lend the strength that she thought Tiny needed in order to be revived. Waffles was making distressing noises and it broke my heart to see them both in such a state.

I had felt a very unpleasant chill just moments before I found Tiny. I guess it must had been her heart giving out. She was old for a commercial laying hen and there were no signs of any other types of stress. Tiny just laid down and passed peacefully.

The commercial breed of laying hen we have are genetically designed to live producing an egg almost daily and because of this there life span tends to be shorter. I did not realize that there life span was going to be so short. I may have thought twice before getting them. Alternatively, I may have chose to get a heritage breed instead, although I have no regrets at all now. Tiny was only three years old.

As I rushed down to the barn, Waffles seemed to be in great distress watching her best friend pass. The noises she was making stopped as soon as I picked Tiny up. I could see in Waffles eyes she so hoped that there was something I could do for her friend. I was too late, she was gone and there was nothing I could do. I felt useless and extremely sad.

As I prepared Tiny’s body for burial, Waffles watched quietly. In her own way I believe she was saying good bye to her companion.

I have been told that laying hens have a brain the size of a raisin. Some would say that, it was just a laying hen, with no real empathy for the life that was lost. I, being the empath that I am, know that even though they have small brains they have individual personalities. They show affection and they also have enough intelligence to understand what has taken place. I have had enough hens to know that they recognize there favorite humans and hens alike. They feel a lot of the same emotions that humans do, in my opinion. Their long term memory may not be as long as a humans. Or is it? Regardless, it seems to me that there are some humans who can choose to forget some events, why can’t a hen do the same.

Waffles is by herself now and she seemed depressed. I could feel her sadness. She seemed lonely so I have been spending more time with her. She is enjoying the extra attention I have been giving her but I am not about to roost on the pole with her at night. With my balance, I would not be up there very long. Lol. I have taken an old stuffed animal down to the barn. Hens are weary of anything new.

One of Waffles favorite treats are a small portion of my homemade crumbled biscuit. I put a little on the floor beside the stuffed animal and she analyzed the situation for a few moments observing that the stuffed animal wasn’t motioning toward the delightful tidbits. Inch by inch, she moved closer, as her stomach was telling her, if you snooze you may loose. It wasn’t long before she was standing beside the stuffed animal and the treat was gone. Throughout the day I would periodically check on Waffles and her new buddy, most often Waffles would be standing beside this new odd little creature pruning herself and acting content.

As nightfall came, I tied the stuffed animal on the roosting poll close to Waffles’ regular spot is and sure enough when I went to close the barn up for the night, the two were side by side cuddled up nice and close keeping each other warm.

You are probably wondering why I don’t just go and get another hen. They are flock animals and need companionship, which I am fully aware of. I have decided that I will not have any more laying hens. Waffles is three years old now and it is hard to say how much longer she will be with us. She has stopped laying and it is for this reason I believe that her days may also be numbered, much like my own. To introduce another hen at this point would be too stressful for her and myself included.

Some would suggest to place her in another flock but I believe at her age she would get picked on and this is the only home she has ever known. I have always said that once an animal has a home here, to live with me, they will stay for the rest of their natural days.

I have loved having the hens more than I can express. I started out with twelve three years ago. They were excellent companions and good therapy for me. I named everyone and treated them with great care. As they passed I would bury them in our own pet cemetery on the property with a hand painted stone to mark there resting place. They were all my friends and family I choose for myself. As I get older, and after all I have been through, I take loosing a friend or a family member harder and harder each time. A piece of me dies every time I loose another one.

I have no way of knowing how long I will be on this spinning ball and I really do want to make the most of it. That being said having animal friends that require the kind of care that the hens do coupled with what I believe they should have puts me at a disadvantage for being able to partake in some adventures that are still on my list to do. I want to have the freedom to be able to experience all that life has to offer and seize all opportunities, here and now, in my last chapter.

Waffles is adapting and not totally alone because she also has Missy, our cat friend that decided to make this her home, who she visits frequently. The stuffed animal seems to be helping her night time blues. So I will do all I can to keep Waffles healthy and happy for the rest of her days.

To me, restoration and adaptation are all part of the cycle of life. Looking forward and not backwards is what both Waffles and I are trying to do. We will remember Tiny and celebrate her happy life as it was. We said our good byes to our friend and now it is time to make the most of the time we have left. As I watch the living world restore and grow, I try to restore and grow spiritually with every passing day. Making way for the new!

As Always,

Love Tanya Jean

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Heros

What does the word hero mean to you?? What is your definition of a hero??

I believe it is someone that goes above and beyond to help those in need. I believe it can be an animal or a person. My thought is that this individual is a highly empathic and caring individual. It is one who recongnizes the needs of others and simply acts. They do not hesistate and offer help, even if sometimes, in doing so they put themselves in harms way.

Who are your heros?? Ever thought about it?

My list of heros is a long one! I would like to start with the doctors, nurses, paramedics and therapists who have worked tirelessly coming to my aid over the last five years. Both, in my time of need then and as my need continues. I believe it takes a special person to be in these types of professions. They work long hours which takes them away from the people they share a life with. Also, they often times put themselves and potentially their health at risk to make sure others are well cared for and looked after. Even the first responder volunteer firefighters from our community have come to aid, when I needed urgent medical attention. In addition to my need, our community has had to call on them a time or two and they always answer without hesitation. I am extremely grateful and respectful of the work they do! Thank you!

I felt and heard so much love and compassion in every decision that was made to help me get better. Whether it was to comfort me in the late night hours because I was restless and in pain. Or, wether it was carefully changing one of dressings or administering one of my medications, these empathic medical professionals put all they had into helping me recover from such a life changing event. Many thanks to them all for the patience they possess and the care they gave. Thank you for being there for me, my hard working medical heros!

Others that have been heros to me have included my Grandparents on my Mother’s side. When I was young those wonderful old souls saved me, both mentally and physically, more times than I care to mention. Whether it was a hug, smile, kind word or just a place to lay my head, I could always count on them to save me. The time I spent with them was so very precious to me and will never forget the memories of their encouraging acts of kindness. May they both rest in peace. I miss you both dearly! Thank you for being there my blessed heros!

I have to say that I have also had many animal friends that I would consider heros, as well. When I needed to be woken because of something that was putting me in danger, a dream or even the pipes bursting in the bathroom and water was gushing everywhere, they were there. Or when a stranger came walking up the driveway, I was alerted before an unwanted surprise ended up right at the door. When my mind ran rampid with horrible thoughts they were there to lift my spirits, before I did something I couldn’t take back. Or, when I just simply needed a reminder that I mattered to someone they were always there. These times have been plentiful in my life and I thank you for being there in my time of need, my animal friends and heros!

My community of friends have been my heros as well. They unknowingly sent me a message or popped over for a visit when I needed it the most. They all ralleyed and sent me such positive energy, hope, prayers, well wishes and gifts when I needed to be reminded that I had a community I needed to get back too, when I was fighting for my life in the hospital. I worked so very hard to get back to my community. I fought with all my might. Thank you so much for being the heros, friends and family I have chosen! Thank you for giving me that strength, in my time of weakness!

I also want to take this opportunity to thank my husbands family for the love, and support they have given through out all of my challenging times over the years. Love you all!

Bet you thought I was done, eh? There is the Canadian Maritimer coming out in me. Lol.

Well, I have saved the best hero for the last. My husband, partner in crime, and the absolute best man I know is my biggest hero of all. He is the light of my life and the beat of my heart. I know, it sounds a little cheesy right? But so very true! DW, you have always supported me in all my crazy ways of being. You have sacrificed your own wants and needs to make sure I had what I needed and never once asked for anything in return. You listened endlessly, to my rants and my sorrows lovingly. I respect you, your beliefs and your guidance when I asked for it and even when I didn’t. Hell, you taught me how to be a better more understanding person. You saved me physically and mentally so many times, I am not sure I could even put a number to it. DW, you have always put me first and I know it is because you truly love me for the crazy ass I am. My gratitude and thanking you somehow just doesn’t seem to be enough for all that you have given me. You are my very best friend and my biggest hero of all! My wish is that you receive all that you hope for in life and more. Because, to me, of anyone I know, you deserve it the most. I am so thankful that fate and or destiny brought us together and my life has been complete because you are in it. As the old saying goes, ’til death do us part. Well that has happened twice for us already and we are still here. Still together. Regardless, my hope is that the final death do us part doesn’t happen for a very long time. Thanks to you, however, we have had more time together than we both thought we might. Oh sweet time, it is a true gift when you are with your true love. This being said, if our time is up tomorrow know that we will find each other again in the after life, as we have been doing for all of time. My love, my hero.

So, I hope I have provoked some thought and encouraged some expression of gratitude in all of your minds, about your heros. Speaking to all of you, thank you for reading my thoughts and supporting me throughout my journey. It is so very comforting and healing to know that I am not alone!

I hope that you too know that you are not alone!

As Always,

Love Tanya Jean

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Breaking The Cycle

I have learned many lessons throughout my 54 years and most of them the hard way. I suppose I will always continue to learn. But it seems that now, I lean a little more towards the path of least resistance. Learning, to me, means investing in the growth of one’s self. I believe that if we stop learning and stretching ourselves, we go from truly living to simply existing, and in my opinion, that is not living. I think I read this somewhere in my travels and it just seemed to make sense to me. Are we not here but to challenge and school ourselves? Our purpose is but to grow, and a human can not grow as an individual, unless we keep learning. That was a mouthful, but I think you get the point.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned, the hard way, is that hope can kill or make you seriously ill.

What I mean by hope can kill, is that hoping people will change to suit your wants or needs will never happen, and in my experience, the stress of that hoping can eventually kill you. Stress can literally cause physical illness. Hoping can cause stress, therefore enough stress, caused by hoping, can in fact kill. Well, at least I think that’s what it did to me. Especially after discovering Dr. Gabor Mate and studying his beliefs and teachings. There is more certainty in my mind now than ever before.

Dr. Mate has written several books on his theories and approach to healing, which are backed up by decades of science and research. If we do not stay true to ourselves, in the way of our wants and needs, it will manifest into some sort of illness. He also believes and has fact based research that would prove that a fetus inside a woman’s body can feel her stress and it can and will affect the fetus not only in the womb but also once the child is born. As well as later on in life.

I do not doubt for one second that my parents loved me. For me, the problem was the kind or type of love they were capable of giving. They were both so damaged, in many ways. It was these facts and my experience of life that led to my conscious decision to break the cycle.

I knew, deep down inside, that there could and most likely would be a good chance that, if I did have children, they too would be affected by the ripple effect of this cycle of damage. After all, how could I raise children if I could not even get my own shit together. I was a people pleaser and could never say “no”. To anyone. Ever. I ignored my own needs because I did not want to say no or disappoint anyone, with their wants or needs. I believe that the accumulative effects and damage from doing this actually killed me. Well, for thirty-five minutes. The first time. So, how could I, in good conscience, pass that on to another human??

I always said that my husband and I would love and do our best to raise children, if it ever happened. We both decided, however, that it was okay if it never did. I think that we both felt that it was just one of those things that was not meant to be. Or, did we??

Because we never had children, we were able to live a life together that not many people get to experience. I am grateful and very happy that we have had the opportunity, to build this life together.

On the other side of the coin, it is too late for us now. There are times when I day dream and wonder what it would have been like to experience having a child with my husband. I think he would have made an amazing Dad.

Not long after I start to day dream, however, reality sets in and I remember. I remember that even if I had been the best Mom ever and my husband was the best Dad, somehow that ripple effect would find my child. I don’t think after everything I have been through, I could live with myself if I thought for one second that my child would suffer even one moment of the life experience I have been through. So for me, it was a blessing. It was probably the one choice I truly made for myself.

We, as people, need to accept reality and change our life situations, according to our wants and desires, for ourselves. It is not right to try to change other people to suit you or your situation, regardless of the capacity. They are who they are and you are who you are. I think that we need to accept that if those two do not mesh, it cannot be forced or coaxed or even tortured into submission. Sure a person can play a role, for awhile, but in the end that role can only be played for so long before the true nature of the situation is revealed. Just simply hoping and wishing things were different, without taking action toward your desired results, will most often lead to disappointment and maybe even illness.

So, in my experience, I have learned that I need to accept people for who and what they are. Now with that in mind, if for one reason or another, that does not mesh well with my wants and desires, or my views, or moral compass. I must move on and continue searching for the company of those who do mesh with same the views and values that I feel are important. As an example, I do my best to live with intent and purpose that is meaningful to the betterment of all living beings. I can accept that there are beings in this world, that do not feel the same way. However, I choose not to form a close relationship with them, as our views differ, and that is okay. I can only do my part in the betterment of the world and giving energy to hoping that others will follow suit only takes away from my capacity to give.

In theory, if one was to spread love, then love is what will come back to one. I have felt this but only in the setting of a few like minded individuals.

Some people give by making music and what better feeling than to listen to a piece that you can totally relate to. Some people like to volunteer to help those in need. Some people like to create art and share in the joy of a beautiful piece. Some people like to write and spread their words of encouragement. Some people help nature to flourish. Whatever it is that calls to you, do it. Love will come back to you from all the right beings and those who can appreciate it. Spread the love it will heal you in ways you never thought imaginable. You will be doing your part to help human kind to heal this broken world and yourself at the same time. We may all be broken in some way and could use the healing power of love and a little empathy.

I understand why I feel so connected to animals. There is no second guessing how they feel about you. Animals either like you or they do not. Animals make no apologies for who or what they are. They are strong in there convictions and tell it the way it is. Animals do not play games with peoples emotions. They will give love freely if, they feel your energy and intentions are pure. If not, they will make every effort to remove themselves from the situation, quietly. Unless, of course, you pose a threat to them, their young or their survival.

I guess, in many ways, I have given life. Maybe not to my own offspring but to the idea of spreading love and compassion. Especially to those in need of it and especially to my animal friends.

Breaking the cycle of unwanted patterns may be hard. But I think it can be well worth it. Especially when you succeed in the end.

To me, these are some valuable lessons and observations.

Please be kind…

Love As Always,

Tanya Jean

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My Grammy… My Angel

Another Mother’s day has come and gone without you here. I can not begin to express how much I miss you and the way you were with me. I even miss those dry old scratchy hands you used to rub my back in such a soothing way. I know that sounds weird but even though the skin of those hard working hands was rough, the touch was soft, soothing and loving. When I was sick or even just having a hard time to sleep I could count on those incredibly healing hands to mend all that was wrong. Not to mention the long talks we would have about anything and everything. There was never any judgement just a loving ear to bend and an encouraging word if needed.

Mother’s day has been very hard for me since you passed. I miss your laugh and the way you used to lovingly scold Grampy. I can still hear you saying, “oh Eddy”, with the tone of a grin on your face. I clearly remember the way you used to be so meticulous in the way you kneaded your bread or cut vegetables for pickling or super.

I can still smell, even though I lost my sense of smell years ago, your turkey dinners and bacon cooking for a special morning breakfast on the weekends. You always took such care in preparing your meals and put a little touch of love in with every stir of the spoon.

What I wouldn’t give to be sitting in the living room with you watching one of your favorite daytime soaps or a good nature show listening to the clicking of your knitting needles. Every stitch so precise without even watching what you were doing. The beautiful afghans you had knit me still keep me warm and remind me of you everyday. Even my animal friends can feel the love of every stitch as they always pick one of many to cuddle up on. Those beautiful warm pieces of your art work is all I have left to hold on to you now. They wrap around me like you are sending me a hug from the heavenly afterlife you now reside in. I cling to them like they are my life line on a difficult day remembering you and what you might have said to me with encouragement.

I know you were sent to me in this life because I needed a living angel. Perhaps that was part of the reason we share part of the same name. I am proud to have your name in mine. I can only hope to live up to it. You have big shoes to fill for a short woman. I would like to think that I have your kind but broken heart. Thank you for your loving guidance and reigning in reality for me. You taught me many life lessons, and yet somehow, I feel that I still have more to learn.

I understand why you had to go even though it shocked me at the time. One day you were here and the next day just a memory of a great woman. I know you would not have wanted to go any other way and so I can respect your wishes. Grief can temporarily blind ones perspective when it is such a quick passing at a young age. You worked tirelessly to make sure your family was well looked after. It was time for the big long sleep and for you to reunite with loved ones that had passed. I know how much you must have missed them because I am sure it compares to how much I miss you now.

Know that my life was whole because you were in it, even if it was not for as long as I had hoped for. I want to thank you for being you and loving me. I know we will meet again in the afterlife. Until then, I can feel your presence in what remains of the working part of my heart. Love and miss you dearly Grammy. Rest well my heavenly angel.

As Always,

Love Tanya Jean

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The Power of the Mind

the power of the mind

I have to be truly honest. My thoughts, this last week or so, have put me in a downward spiral. The power of our mind and what we tell ourselves, or allow others to impose upon us, can create havoc in our state of well being. Not to mention how this can affect those who are close to us.

Even my indoor feline friends could feel my upset, and, as a result, seemed extra attentive and vigilant in staying close to me with their calm and soothing energy.

I am still learning how to embrace my empath abilities. Sometimes I do not even realize how one little action, or reaction, can turn my whole world upside down for a week or more. Empaths are not the only ones who can self-sabotage. Anyone and everyone can, and at some point, will likely do this. In fact, it is more common than one would think. I think the trick is to be aware of what you are telling yourself and how you talk to yourself. Whether it be out loud or in silence, in the privacy of your own mind. Your mind hears and acts on it all. It can make the difference between sleeping well, or lying awake all night ruminating on a particular topic or situation. It could be an event that you attended and things you heard or saw, or it could be the words or actions of another individual you were recently in contact with. Or, maybe even you yourself have imposed a negative story and set free a destructive thought pattern. It could be as simple as trying to tell yourself that you are something or someone that you quite simply are not.

I used to tell myself I was not smart enough to learn basic computer skills and embrace technology, and yet, here I am, writing this post and sharing it with you, on my very own site. Mind you, I am still learning. But, isn’t that the point? To push beyond our comfort zones and challenge ourselves? I changed my mindset, and now, I am doing it and I love it!


In my case, I was slow to learn how to quickly identify and recognize what starts or triggers my mind into this self-sabbotaging mode. It’s something that my mind just loves to sink its teeth into, once that door has been opened.

Now however, it seems that, through simply observing what is happening in my mind, I am able to recognize and recover from these patterns a little quicker, each time it happens. I think the key component to my continued improvement has been the regular disciplined practice of applying these principles.


There have been times in my life when I was told that it did not look like things were going to turn out well for me. One good example would be after my heart attack, when my speech pathologist told me that there may have been permanent damage done to my vocal cords, as a result of having breathing tubes in for such a long period of time. She said that I may never regain my original speaking voice, let alone be able to sing again. When all of the tubes were finally removed, several weeks after having been put in, you could barely hear the whispered squeaks that came out of my mouth. I refused to accept these words as gospel, however. They were simply an opinion. An opinion based on a few pieces or bits of information that had been gathered and put together. Or, perhaps, were based on data and statistics gathered from the majority of similar cases. I simply refused to accept this and told myself that I would be able to talk and sing again! Just like I used to..

Even today, I continue to do the therapy exercises and it has helped me to make great progress. I can sing again!

So, I sing when I can and rest when I know I should to help with the ongoing healing process. I have not regained all of what I once had but I am singing again and it feels wonderful. Especially when I hit a note with the band that sounds like what I once had. It gives me chills just thinking about it!

So, I will continue to believe. I will continue to tell myself that I will continue to regain strength and tone in my voice. I will get back to where I once was.

What am I to you – Nora Jones “cover” @ Friday Afternoon Happy Hour


So why then, do I let the actions or the words of others, and occasionally myself, set the rules for the game at some times, and not at others? The only answer I can offer right now, is that I am human and I am far from perfect. But, I’m a whole lot better than I used to be.

I will say that being kind to yourself, especially if, or when you slip, will make it a lot easier to get back on your own personal cheering squad.

What we tell ourselves or let others tell us, whether it be positive or negative, is very powerful! It could be the difference between life and death, in some of our cases. Either way, the impact can be like being hit by a train or a soft pillow.


I truly believe in the power of the mind! So, tell yourself, repeatedly, what you want to be true. Focus your thoughts on what you desire and how you truly want things to be and it will happen.


Be very careful and aware of the negativity and negative energy that floats around, do not take it on to be your own. It is usually someone trying to get rid of their own heavy baggage and you could become the recipient, if you allow it. I made this mistake this past week and it felt awful! It has had a negative, ripple effect on everything I touched and did.

Once I recognized what had happened, and what was happening, I began taking the necessary steps to correct it and it has made a real difference.


The power is in me and you. Live your life free! Free of all limitations. You can live the life you desire! It is all about the power of your mind.


As Always,
Love Tanya Jean

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Beautiful Blue

Beautiful Blue Jay


Good morning. Here is a pic of my latest piece. With this piece, I decided to use colored pencils. I chose this option for a couple of reasons. Firstly, because this amazing species has the most vibrant shades of blue in nature and I really wanted to challenge myself to capture it as my eyes do. We have many Jays who frequent our feeding station daily, at the this time of year.
Secondly, I decided to sketch rather than paint as I am still boiling sap and I can leave the piece at a moments notice in order to tend to my sugar making duties. Painting makes that a little more challenging. You see, I can sketch anywhere with very few tools.
I really wanted to create a piece with color and the feeding station has been busy with many feathered friends all singing there spring songs. Although the blue jays are not my favorite sounding feathered friend they sure are beautiful to watch. Spring is here and I can hardly wait for my gardens to start to bloom. They add such color and beauty to our little piece of heaven. Especially after a long and cold snowy winter.
Hope you all enjoy my “Beautiful Blue”.

As Always,
Love Tanya Jean

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Sugar Making time

It is that time of year again! Spring has sprung and Maple syrup season is once again upon us. My husband and I decided to tap just a few trees this year. Going small is a lot easier to keep up with if mother nature decides to cooperate and the trees poduce a lot of sap. Which they certainly have done, so far this year.

Sugar making, which is what we call the process of making maple syrup, is a great way to get outdoors and enjoy the warm spring weather. Which I so look forward to after the long cold and dark days of late winter, here in New Brunswick’s snow belt!

Instead of using our camp on the back part of our wood lot, we decided to set up in the back yard this year. Our thought was to just tap a few trees near the house. Just a few mature maples that would be more easily accessed, considering how much snow has fallen this year. It is my thought that, after gathering and carrying the full buckets of sap back to the holding containers, it was the right call! Lol

We will get back to the camp and enjoy it, once most of the snow has melted. In the mean time, the back yard suits me just fine. The closer everything is, the better! Especially since, this year, in order to get around on our wood lot, we have had to be on our snow shoes more than we were off of them.

My neurologist is still quite surprised that I am able to use my snow shoes as well as I can, considering my physical challenges and disability. I wasn’t sure about it at first, but I am determined to try my best! After my event, I decided that if I could live through a widow maker, I was no longer going to let anything stop me. I was going to give everything I tried my absolute best effort. That includes lacing up my snow shoes and breaking a trail in the fresh snow. Even if there’s 4 feet of it!! Lol

We decided that 14 trees should give us enough sap to produce a sufficient quantity of maple syrup to stock up our household reserves and maybe share a bottle or two. At the start of this year’s season, we were down to and using our last one litre mason jar of syrup.

This year’s weather has been very good on our little piece of heaven for sugar making so far. The sap’s sugar content seems to be nice and high, which has made for a super yummy first batch.

I love making homemade pancakes this time of year and topping them with strawberries, whip cream and our fresh warm maple syrup.

It really seems more like a dessert than a meal, but who doesn’t love dessert for lunch or maybe even supper, sometimes?? Well, I certainly do! Even my doctors agree that it is okay, in moderation, and of course it is good for heart health.

Every time I look at the plate, it warms my heart! Lol


Also, this year, our laying hens, Waffles and Tiny have enjoyed having some extra company outside with them on the warm sunny days.

And of course, we can’t forget about Missy, who enjoys overseeing the whole operation, from her directors chair. Lol


I wanted to share my homemade pancake batter recipe with you all. Maybe you’ll find yourself inspired to track down some fresh Maple Syrup and give them a try.

Tanya Jean’s Homemade Pancakes

This recipe makes approximately 10 regular size Pancakes

1 1/2 cups of flour

2 tablespoons of honey

1 tablespoon of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt(optional)

1 egg beaten slightly

1 1/4 cup of cow’s milk or almond milk unsweetened

Combine all ingredients in order, in a large mixing bowl. Wisk or stir together until well blended but still somewhat lumpy. Pour 1 cup of batter onto a hot, lightly greased griddle (a cast iron griddle, for best results). Cook until puffy and bubbles appear then flip over to brown on the other side and enjoy. This recipe can easily be doubled and will produce the same results.

Enjoy!!

This is how much Syrup we have bottled so far this year and based on how well the trees are producing so far, we will easily double this amount for our pantry reserves.

HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE!

As Always,

Love Tanya Jean

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My Animal Friends

My animal friends have been, and continue to be, the most constant blessing in my life. The love and companionship they freely give has seen me through the best of times and the worst of times. They make me laugh when I need it the most, and I believe that they provide the purest of love that one could receive. Who could want more in a true friend? These true friends have kept me from making decisions about whether or not to continue on, in this life… After all, who would care for them and love them the way I do? They need my love as much as I need or needed theirs.

Jam is the oldest living animal friend that I have and she is nine years old. I believe she picked me, rather than I picked her, in a barn full of kittens. She was sitting all by herself on a piece of plywood close to the barn window. She looked rather sad, and had a nasty eye infection. But, looking through her good eye, she saw me. I mean really saw me. I felt an instant connection with her. She was definitely coming home with us. There was no question.

The barn was full of cats and yet she was the one that spoke to me with her soft and loving gaze. As the other kittens played aggressively, they paid no attention to the people or the cows around them. It was like Jam was a kitten with an old soul.

I could not help myself, I had to pick her up. Once I did, there was no going back. She would be part of my life from this point forward. She might have only been six weeks old but the farmer said that she had been drinking some of the cow’s milk from a bowl, so she would be fine to take home. It appeared that the mother had been weaning the kittens off of her own milk and really did not want to be feeding them anymore. Jam would get better nourishment once I got her home. I, like my grandmother, have this want to make sure individuals, whether animal or people, are well fed. She made no fuss when I would treat her eye infection and it only took a few days of antibiotic cream to clear it up.

From the first day, until this day, she silently speaks to me. Every single day she tells me that she loves me just the way I am. She never judges. She is always direct with her wants and needs and she accepts what she receives lovingly. Who could want more in a friendship, I ask?

The hardest part about having my heart attack, for me, was being away from her and my other animal friends at home. I felt so lonely being away from them. All I could think about was getting home to be with them all.

After being away for months, I was very worried the first time I got to go home on a day pass. Would they know me? Would they remember me? I smelled like the hospital, I weighed 80lbs less, and my voice did not sound the same.

As I stepped through the door, my eyes filled with tears when Jam came right over to greet me. It was like she was saying, “where have you been?”, “these kittens you brought home have been a real handful!”. For the most part, she acted as though no amount of time apart could break our bond. She was the same with me then, as she has always been. Well, maybe she was a little more attentive and clinging, in the days to come. But, that’s what we both needed and it suited me just fine. I felt, in that moment, like my heart was once again full and whole. Even the broken part felt like it was beating and pumping just like it had before my event. Finally, I was home with her and the rest of my animal companions. Right where I belonged..

My husband and I also enjoy feeding the wild birds. These amazing creatures talk to me and are not afraid to be in our presence. They will fly very close to us and land on the feeders right beside us, chirping like they are greeting us or carrying on some funny conversation.

We also have a beautiful pure black cat, who I have affectionately named Missy. She decided that she wanted to live here, on our homestead, about three years ago. She started hanging around the barn in the warmer months and eventually found a comfortable spot in the lean-to, that is attached to the back of our hen barn. I openly welcomed her, as I always do, with any animal. She does a great job at keeping the rodents away from the barn.

She started to follow me to the garden one day and when the neighbour across the road saw us together, he made the comment that Missy used to live at their farm. He said he was glad to see that she was well but was sad that she no longer wanted to live in his barn, as she had made a nice addition. Personally, I think that she simply was not happy with the name they gave her. I tried calling her by her previous given name, Sparky, that same day. She did not look happy, at all! So, Missy it is. Lol

She now lives in one of our heated outbuildings, which of course, now has a cat door installed, so that she can come and go as she pleases. Thank you DW! The farmer across the road had her spayed and now I feed her and give her treatments to prevent worms and fleas and cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles. She never leaves our property. I don’t believe she has any desire to leave. My husband says that she knows how good it is to live here. Why would she leave? If I go outside, she comes running right to me. She is a beloved friend and part of our pack now.

We have two other indoor cats, who we named Berry and Jelly. They are litter mates, who have very different personalities. They are both very active and, at times, certainly do add a lot of comic relief to our days. Jelly is a very energetic and silly boy, who seems to frequently annoy his sister. She has very little tolerance for his tomfoolery and has no issue with putting him in his place, when he steps out of line. She is a very small and compact little girl but has the heart and will of a lioness. At times, I wish that Jam would do the same with him because he continually pushes her personal space boundaries. Mostly, I think this is because he is completely infatuated with her. If he’s not with her, he is looking for her. She is very smart though. She has found some very good hiding places. In fact, there are times when even we have a hard time to find her. For the most part though, she is very patient and tolerant with him. Until she’s not!! Lol

We got the dynamic duo, pictured above, from another farm in the area, when they were just young kittens. At the time of my heart attack they were only six months old. I am very glad that Jam had them as companions, as they were all mostly home alone, everyday, for a few weeks. They are loving little kitties and our bond with them is very strong.

We have not had a dog friend on the homestead since our little mix breed, Jessie, passed away, just before my heart attack. We have tossed around the idea of adding another dog friend, but considering my health issues it has just never seemed to be the right time. Between the wild life, our two laying hens, Waffles and Tiny, our three indoor cats, Berry, Jelly and Jam, and Missy in the “guest house”, it would seem that the homestead is well populated. One day, I am sure, another friend will find his or her way to our little piece of heaven. The funny thing is that 99% of the animal friends we have or have had, have been rescues or individuals who have chosen us, as their human companions. I believe that if it is meant to be for us to have another member added to our family, it will happen all on its own. Just like it has so many times before.

I am an animal empath and I am very grateful that I am. Especially now that I understand it! I am not some kind of freak of nature. Or someone who is being ridiculous and making things up. Or someone who needs to “grow a thicker skin”. I have a wonderful gift and every day is a wonderful new journey for me and my animal friends and companions. Getting to this point has been a process that has taken time and requires doing the work to gain more understanding. I am doing the work and I am enjoying the benefits and happiness that comes with it

For those of you out there who understand, I know that you can relate to the very special bond that can exist between two beings. To me, there is nothing in this world that feels any better than to give and receive true love, compassion and respect from another like yourself. I believe the feeling that comes with being authentic and real, in an environment free of all judgment, is a true gift.

I am so grateful for the bonds I have had throughout the years with all my animal friends and I know that one day I will be reunited with those who have passed on. They may be gone from this realm but they are not forgotten and they are truly missed. I think about them every day. There are times when I get sad that they are no longer with me, here in this life. When that happens, I remind myself that I will see them again someday and it will be a reunion like no other. Until such a day comes, I will hold the precious memories of them close to my heart!

As Always,

Love Tanya Jean