I have fought many battles, but none as draining as fighting my own ego. My demons and my ego are the same. My ego has made me do and say things in my life that I regret. My bruised ego caused me to act in ways that I am not proud of.
I will claim ignorance is also to blame for my behavior, in some situations, because I had no idea that my ego was driving the ship. Ignorance is no excuse, however. All I can do now, is try to be the best human being that I can possibly be, going forward. I now know better and I am aware of what drives these undesired actions of mine. I have done and continue to do the work.
A great deal of my approach to life, during my 53 years on this spinning ball, has been about pleasing my ego. I now know that I am made up of much more, than just my ego. It is, however, what drove me to work myself to death. I think I did this in hopes of getting some recognition or praise for my accomplishments and efforts. Instead of being present in my life situation and accepting or choosing to be content with what I already had in my life. It didn’t seem to matter whether it was the loving people in my life or my accomplishments and possessions, I was rarely satisfied. Where did this come from? Was I born with it? Did I learn it or observe it? Can any of you relate to this? Has it happened, or is it happening to you?
As I understand it, from reading through some of Eckart Tolle’s teachings and theories, that, as he suggests, the path to true enlightenment and a state of complete bliss is in killing or overcoming your ego. As well as mastering and putting into practice the technique of present moment awareness. I believe his theories to be correct. In practicing and applying these principles and methods I have learned from him, I have discovered a new way of being. I will say, however, that putting my new found knowledge and techniques into practice, on a daily basis, is much much harder than it sounds.
To kill the ego, one must let go of all that is unnecessary in one’s life. Another huge component, I have found, is mastering the art of not giving a rat’s ass about what others think. Or, as many spiritual teachers have put it, “to free yourself from the good opinion of others.” I like the way I say it better. lol
Just imagine for a moment what your life would look and feel like without all of the extra pressure that comes with constantly needing more. More stuff, more love, more respect and more power. Wow! What a mind blowing concept!
If I could have let go of my need to please and my quest for praise and approval, maybe I wouldn’t have had my heart attack. Maybe, I would still be whole. Maybe my heart wouldn’t be broken. Maybe I would be living my best life on some beach, on a remote island. With the family I had created and not a care in the world.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my life now! But because of the life I lead, the habits that ruled me and the accumulative results, my life expectancy, on this plain, has been greatly diminished.
I struggle with letting go of my ego, even today. I know that if I let it, it would destroy me. But I won’t. I’m a fighter! I continue to do the work. My ego had all of the power for a very long time and now it has to fight to stay alive. I think it is willing to do anything to keep its hold on me. You know what I am talking about. It’s that little voice in your head that just won’t stop. It will drive you completely mad, if you let it!
So I will continue to fight my ego! I deserve to be whole and happy for however long I have left on this plain and so do you!
Be mindful of that little voice. Just recognize that it’s there. Become the “Observer”, as Eckart says. I have found that doing this has really helped me to carry on being consciously present in each day.
With Love Always,
Tanya Jean